TEACHING CHILDREN ABOUT GENDER IDENTITY & GENDER DIVERSITY

By the end of toddlerhood, children can differentiate between men and women based on their external features like hair length, type of clothing, etc. They can also correctly tell whether they are boy or girl. This means that they have acquired gender identity.

But they do not yet have a complete understanding of the concept of gender. One of the things they may not know is that gender remains constant over time. They may believe that they, as well  as others can change their gender by wearing clothes and doing activities of the opposite gender.

Developing the concept of gender is the realization that one stays the same gender. This is called gender constancy and is achieved around 4-5 years of age. Pre-schoolers realize that they stay the same gender before they realize that this is true for others as well.

The constancy of gender is a little difficult for the pre-schooler to grasp, particularly since the child’s other physical attributes and appearance do change. A complete understanding of gender develops around 5-6  years of age when the child is a little less influenced by what she sees, be it the length of hair or the kind of clothes worn.

Another side of the concept of gender is acquiring sex-role behaviour. This means understanding what is appropriate female and male behaviour. In our society, the notions about these are fairly rigid and strong. Rigid ideas about what is masculine and what is feminine behaviour are called sex-role stereotypes. We think of men as competent, skilful, assertive, aggressive, ambitious, strong and able to get things done. We think of women as warm, expressive, more aware of other people’s feelings, caring, quiet, gentle, dependent and submissive. However, with the changing values in society and with the spread of education, these stereotypes have weakened. Women are taking up occupations earlier considered to be male and are becoming more independent and self-reliant. But though the stereotypes are becoming blurred, they are nonetheless present and govern our behaviour to a great extent. You would have often heard parents say to their crying son, ” Boys don’t cry’: They buy different play materials for their daughters and sons. Children as young as 4 years begin to be influenced by these stereotypes.

Three and four-year-olds have a remarkable amount of information about the social expectations from the two genders and have very definite ideas about what boys and girls ought to do. When asked, they may state that “girls ought to play with dolls” and “dress up like women” and that “boys ought to play with trucks and play at being drivers and pilots”. By age 5 they also acquire stereotypes about personality traits and behaviour. The older preschooler is more rigid in her notions of what is appropriate male and female behaviour as compared to the younger preschooler.

As children grow beyond the preschool years, they continue to develop their notions of how males and females are expected to behave but they become less rigid about the stereotypes. The nine and ten-year-olds recognize more readily that one person can combine masculine and feminine behaviour. They can accept it more easily if people do not display the stereotypical behaviour expected of them.

An Alternative to Sex-Role Stereotyping

Our expectations of “what girls do” and “what boys do” have changed over the years. Girls are increasingly pursuing subjects which were traditionally thought of as “masculine.” We have many female athletes who excel in sports. On the other hand, we have many famous male artists, musicians and chefs ―fields traditionally thought of as “feminine.” Over time, society has recognized that stereotypes of “masculine” and “feminine” activities and attributes are inaccurate and limiting to a child’s development. Such interests also do not determine or influence one’s gender identity. Furthermore, our ability to predict who a child is based on early preferences is not very accurate and may be harmful if it leads to shame or attempts at suppressing their skills, talents, and genuine self.

It would be good if we were not rigid about correct male and female behaviour but rather understood that masculine and feminine qualities are both necessary for every person and inculcate such an understanding in children. A woman may be interested in repairing cars and want to be assertive- traditionally defined as masculine traits in our society – and still feel herself to be no less a woman than any other. A boy who can be gentle and kind (traditionally seen as feminine qualities) will be better able to establish close relationships than one who is unemotional and dominant.

It is desirable for a person to have both feminine and masculine qualities – to be compassionate and independent, gentle and assertive. There is nothing wrong in encouraging nurturance in boys and assertiveness in girls. It allows children a greater variety of roles, adding a richness to their personality. Our interactions with children must be guided with this in mind. When children raise questions about gender roles, we should discuss them. We may draw attention to individual differences among people, rather than only those based on gender. The aim behind such socialization is to help children reach their potential instead of being limited by traditional models.