TACKLING TEMPER TANTRUMS IN CHILDREN
Temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up in kids. Each and every parent faces this while going shopping or sitting in a restaurant when suddenly your little one has an emotional meltdown and you are the center of a gale-forced temper tantrum.
So, why exactly do kids throw tantrums? Is there a scientific reason?
The answer is Yes. It is normal for a toddler to have temper tantrums between age of 1 year and 3.5 years.
Our human brain has a part called as the prefrontal cortex (PFC) which is situated right behind our eyebrows. The PFC regulates emotions and controls social behaviour in us. Now this is the last area to develop in the brain and it begins to mature only at the age of 4 years. This immaturity serves as an important developmental role in the acquisition of language. Language is the most significant social tool for humans and this underdeveloped prefrontal cortex is what allows children to master language. The child’s disagreeable behaviour is most likely an evolutionary trade-off for the sake of human communication. Well, this does make parenting more challenging but it is good to know that tantrums actually serve as an evolutionary purpose.
A tantrum is basically a form of expression of a child’s frustration with the challenges at hand. At such a young age the child does not have the vocabulary or can’t find the right words to express his/her feelings. Apart from this, hunger, thirst, sleep deprivation, overstimulation and boredom can also trigger a tantrum.
Small children don’t intend to frustrate or embarrass their parents on purpose. For most toddlers, tantrums are a way to express frustration. For older kids, tantrums might be a learned behaviour. If you reward tantrums with something your child wants — or you allow your child to get out of things by throwing a tantrum — the tantrums are likely to continue.
As parent, we can only reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of a tantrum, we can’t completely stop them. There is no assured way of preventing a tantrum but there are plenty of ways to encourage good behaviour in our kids.
Here are a few practical tips that can help you tackle a tantrum:
Set a routine: Establish a daily routine so that your child knows what to expect. Stick to the routine as much as possible, including meal time, nap time and bedtime. Set reasonable limits and follow them consistently.
Avoid instant gratification: Usually, kids throw tantrum when they are denied something in a shop or a mall. And they know that this behaviour will make their parents give in and fulfil their demands. In such a case just say a firm No and move to another place or try diverting your child. I know it is easier said than done, especially when you’re the victim of an emotional meltdown in public. But stay firm a couple of times, ignoring the public humiliation and this will make the child understand that this behaviour won’t let their parents cave in to their demands.
Be patient: When we are in middle of a tantrum, we usually lose our cool and react by either shouting or yelling at our kids. But this in fact makes the situation worse. Instead stay calm, and in a gentle but firm voice try to teach your child how to behave and try to calm him down.
Plan ahead: Understand when your child gets hungry or bored. If you are planning a long outing, then carry his/her favourite snack (avoid junk food) and offer them at the first sign of irritation. Carry a small toy or a favourite book or puzzle to keep them occupied.
Encourage use of words: Young kids understand more words than they can speak. Teach them to use words like “sleep”, “hungry”, “drink”, “tired” or “hurt”. As they grow old you can teach them to use words for feelings and emotions too.
Praise good behaviour: Give more attention when your child behaves well, praise him/her in their good moments. Praise their good qualities in front of friends and relatives. This will instill a feeling of pride in them and also motivate them to behave well at all times.
Good behaviour starts at home: When child misbehaves at home, lay your groundwork as to how you are going to deal with such situations, either ignore or by a timeout or chair out method.
- You can ignore their behaviour and let them continue what they are doing (kicking, rolling on floor, etc.) just make sure they don’t hurt themselves. After a few tries they get tired and eventually settle down.
- Time out/chair-out: This works best for kids who are a bit older. Make them seat on a chair in a boring place in the house or on the floor and give them time to calm down. You can teach your child that this is a time-out for him/her till they settle down. You can give them one minute for every year of your child’s age (eg. 2 mins for 2-year-old and 3 mins for 3 year olds). After the child, has calmed down discuss the reason for time-out and why their behaviour was inappropriate. Don’t use time-out too much, else they won’t work.
Please DO NOT lock them in a dark room or bathroom, this will worsen the situation and the child will never be able to control his/her emotions.
Always remember that each child has an unique temperament of their own, so don’t push them too much. Judge and understand your toddler’s tolerance level and try to discipline him/her well within the limit. Each child is different, find which method suits your child and try to stick to it.
We all fall prey to the terrible two’s and horrific three’s , so don’t worry. Keep your cool and you will sail through this phase.
