BUILDING PARENT-CHILD COMMUNICATION
The first language we speak is called ‘Mother-tongue’ and rightfully so, as our talking and communication skills depends on how we were addressed as a child!
Our tone and method of communication with our children in their initial years has a deep impact on their growth.
Why is it so important to communicate with your child?
Good communication is an important parenting skill and needs to be started early on in life. Parenting can be more enjoyable when positive parent-child relationship is established. It is the key to building self-esteem as well as mutual respect.
A toddler picks up every word you say, he has 1000’s of questions to ask you. But the same toddler when becomes a teenager avoids every question that comes from you. To avoid this, start intimate communication early on with your child about everything.
By communicating with our children, we show that we are interested in their lives and that they are important to us.
-
Children too learn to express themselves when they talk to us. The art of self-expression helps them deal with difficult situations in their adult years.
-
Communicating effectively with our kids boosts their self-esteem and also, makes them feel that we respect them.
-
It makes them feel secure in the family and are thus more likely to be cooperative. It reduces insecurity in the child.
Most of us think that we do talk to our children. But, do we?
Children learn how to communicate by watching their parents. You communicate openly and effectively, chances are that children will, too.
Here’s what you can do for effective communication with your child:
MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE
Put all distractions away when your child needs to talk to you. Keep your devices aside, switch off your TV when your child is talking to you or asking you something. Show that you are interested in listening to their conversation. Remain completely and totally focused on them and the conversation at hand. In case, you are busy cooking or on a phone call, tell your child in a polite way that you will get back to them in 5 or 10 minutes. And when you do, do it completely without any distractions.
LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN!
When your child wants to talk, stop everything. Avoid jumping in and not letting them express or discuss their concerns, worries, and fears. Just hear them out completely without interrupting.
If you need to say something to show you are listening keenly, here are a few words that might help the conversation flow easier:
| Tell me more! | Wow! |
| I understand | That is just awful. |
| I know, right! | I am here. |
| Go ahead, let it out | Really? Tell me more! |
MAKE AND MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT.
Parents who do this are showing their children that they are involved and interested.
ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
Some questions help conversations along, while some can stop conversations dead in their tracks. Let’s try to ask open-ended questions while conversing with our children.
Open-ended questions that begin with the words “what,” “where,” “whom,” or “how” are often very useful in getting children to open up. Parents should try to avoid asking questions that require only a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ as an answer. And make sure not to ask too many questions at a time.
KEEP CONVERSATIONS BRIEF
The younger the child the lesser is their capacity to sit through long conversations. So, keep conversations short and sweet. Speak for a few seconds and then ask the child to comment on what was said. The goal is for parents to pass on information a little at a time while checking that their children are paying attention to and understanding what is being said at regular intervals.
ADMIT IT WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW SOMETHING
Kids can sometimes ask questions which we cannot answer, either because they are too young to know it or because we don’t have the answer to their question. Take such instances as learning experiences. For example, we can teach them how to get the information they’re looking for by taking them to the library, using the encyclopaedia, etc.
THERE IS POWER IN CHOICE
When you are talking to your children, give them a choice whenever possible. Allow them to feel you are talking with them and asking them rather than talking at them and telling them. Make conversations a two-way street rather than a power struggle.
APOLOGIZE WHEN YOU ARE WRONG
This comes from our traditional upbringing where we are taught that elders are not supposed to say sorry. But there is no harm in apologising when you are wrong. If you say something or do something you probably shouldn’t have, say you are sorry. This makes the child learn that we too are human and can make mistakes. so, in their adult years it will be easier for them to accept their mistakes.
Children model the behaviour of parents. How we express and handle ourself will usually determine how our children will as well. Kids need to learn to share more than just their belongings. They need to feel comfortable sharing their feelings, thoughts, and ideas.
