TODDLER TANTRUMS V/S SENSORY MELTDOWN
It’s important to note that while they may look similar, temper tantrums and sensory meltdowns are fundamentally different.
As parents, we can usually recognize when our kid is throwing a temper tantrum. Something that usually starts on hearing the word “no,” will trigger them. And suddenly their faces turn red with wild, wide eyes. And there is something else that could have them acting similarly, a sensory meltdown. Meltdowns usually come from a less direct source. But how do you tell the difference? There are a few key indicators.
It is very difficult for parents and many professionals to differentiate between a sensory meltdown and a temper tantrum.
A temper tantrum tends to be related to want or need. If your kid feels they need an extra five minutes to play, but it’s time for a bath, they’re likely to throw a tantrum to try and get their way.
A sensory meltdown, on the other hand, is often a reaction to a situation. If you’re in a crowded store and your kid just falls apart seemingly out of nowhere, it’s likely a sensory meltdown.
There are three main ways to tell the difference between a temper tantrum and a sensory meltdown:
How to Tell the Difference Between a Sensory Meltdown vs. Temper Tantrum
Intensity of tantrum
No doubt that tantrums can be intense, but kids usually have a level of awareness during a tantrum. A tantrum may include screaming, stomping, or hitting (but hopefully not!) to try and get whatever they want. Similarly, meltdowns may have the same, but they will start at 100 and continue to escalate.
Length of a meltdown before the child calms down
A kid throwing a temper tantrum may stop relatively quickly if they realize it isn’t getting them what they want. If you ignore them and it fades out, then you’re likely dealing with a tantrum. Meltdowns will likely make it harder to calm down the kid. You may need to take them away from the thing causing overstimulation (i.e., taking them out of a store) to begin to calm them.
Frequency
Tantrums, especially with young kids, are common. They’re using them as a way to test boundaries. Chances are if they don’t get their way 4 times, at least two of those times will result in a tantrum. Meltdowns aren’t quite as frequent.
Whether it’s a tantrum or a meltdown, having a plan to handle is the key for parents. Acknowledging their feelings is the most important, no matter what. Following up will vary, depending on the situation. With tantrums, you always want to be firm in your denial. This way, they will eventually learn that throwing a tantrum isn’t an effective way of getting what they want.
Meltdowns often require gentler care. Because kids have no control over a meltdown, you have to meet them where they are. If that’s simply having them take deep breaths until they calm down or holding them to provide them with a safe space, you have to feel it out at the moment.
Tantrums are frustrating for all of us and we have to work not to jump in and solve the problem or express our displeasure with their display of emotion. Here are a few calming phrases to help your child come out of a tantrum or meltdown.
- “You sound upset and angry.”
By naming their feelings you are helping children identify what they are going through, which eventually will allow them to recognize and talk through their feelings.
- “I too get angry sometimes, let’s figure this out together.”
Let your children know they are not alone, and that what they are feeling is normal. As they relate to you, you can help come up with coping mechanisms and techniques to deal with their feelings.
- “Maybe I can show you another way.”
In the thick of their emotion’s children may not recognize that there is another way to accomplish what they are trying. Instead of jumping in and completing the task for them, or getting frustrated with their behaviour, try offering to help them find another solution.
- “This is hard for you, let’s take a break and come back in ‘X’ minutes.”
Depending on what is causing the frustration, and what setting you are in, determine what kind of break would be helpful. Being able to return to the task with a calm and clear head will help most children persevere and overcome their obstacles.
- “I’m here to help if you need me.”
Jumping in and helping without being asked may give children the impression that you don’t think they are capable of completing the task on their own. However, allowing them the freedom to ask for help without feeling like a failure is going to build their confidence to succeed.
- “It’s ok to cry, I will be here when you are ready.”
Validate that what they are feeling is ok. Knowing that you are close by and there for them when they are calm and ready lets children know that they are supported no matter what.
- “I’m sorry that this doesn’t feel fair.”
Just because it doesn’t feel fair doesn’t mean that it is going to change, but let children know that they are allowed to feel frustrated with the circumstances.
Every child is different and what works for one may not work for another. It is important to know your child, knowing their behaviour will help in being able to solve tantrums before they begin. However, once a tantrum has begun, it is most important that we stay calm and consistent when helping our children navigate their feelings.
In the long run, supporting children’s emotional growth with vocabulary, empathy and confidence will help them navigate through these feelings at future events.
“When little people become overwhelmed by big emotions, it is our job to share our calm not to join their chaos!”
